Still in pain but on the other side of surgery

After my surgery I am still in recovery mode but happy to have my sutures removed and to be off the pain killers even though I would still be on them if not for an allergic reaction. Still in some pain and sleeping is the worst time for pain to rear its ugly head.
Learned a lot of orthopaedic terms this past week. Found out exactly what was done to my shoulder.
1. Grade 3 Chondromalacia on the humeral head - Chondroplasty: "used a 'whisker shaver' to smooth it out." Really, a shaver like one would use to remove whiskers?!;
2. Type I SLAP tear with no labral instability - Debridement of Superior Labrum. Report says that there was a small sub-labral hole and fraying which was repaired. Very lucky this was not a complete tear!;
3. Bursectomy: Arthroscope was passed into the subacromial space. There was fairly marked bursitis. Bursectomy was performed to allow visualization of the rotator cuff. Eventually visualization of the rotator cuff was possible after complete bursectomy. Didn't know a shoulder could survive without the bursa or some cushion there;
4. Standard acromioplasty - Arthroscopic Subacromial Decompression. Adequate decompression confirmed!
Don't have a photo to attach yet. There is barely any scaring on my shoulder. Will have Tim take a picture eventually to attach to this post.
All in all I am very lucky to have no rotator cuff involvement and the fact that the slap tear was minimal.
I start therapy in another week or so. I hope to be back to doing what I was doing before this whole injury occurred in a few months. That includes playing volleyball and crossfitting at the level I was at a year ago when I felt I was at my peak. Last May/June I felt great physically. I would like to get that feeling back again. Is wanting that by June too much to ask or is it doable? I will be doing everything in my power to achieve that goal.
For now I am okay with listening to my body and taking things slow. I must promise to obey Rudy's instructions upon my return to training. I will remember some words a wise man named Ben Wood gave to me to reflect on every time I wanted to push the envelope during my post surgical recovery. He said to think back and picture myself during a time when I was unable to do something because of the pain. Then I need to ask myself if I want to be back there again. Remind myself of this so I take it slow and follow Rudy's plan even if it feels like I am ready for more.
Patience and mental strength will be worked on once again in the months ahead. This seems to be a pattern for me but a good lesson in how to train smartly!

Tim's Birthday

Tim's Birthday Sunday, shoulder surgery Tuesday, St. Patrick's Day Wednesday(spent healing up in bed) . . .
Stayed pretty much paleo except for a few cocktails to celebrate the holidays last Sunday.
Now it's time for recovery. Is hydrocodone paleo? Getting tons of sleep which I am glad for. Can't wait to lose the sling and ditch the pills. Tim has been great helping me move around. Looking forward to getting back to the box to see everyone. It is hard to type with this limb in pain so will have to keep this short and update a new post later. Thanks to everyone at CFC for all their well wishes. Those people are the best. I hope to be among them soon sweating along side them. Really hope to see Joey while he is in town also. Missing Sarah as well.
Slainte!

A lifelong sustainability with Crossfit

On Mark’s Daily Apple today in response to his comments about P90x and Crossfit the pros and cons, there were some great posts from fellow crossfitters about CF and sustainability. A number of comments got me thinking about how I approach my Crossfit training, why I do Crossfit and whether it is working for me and this body of a 45 year old with an injury.
I can relate to a number of points made by Mark including but not limited to:

1. “Ideally, we should be performing movements that support, enable, and enhance quality of life. Our exercises should make us stronger, faster, and more capable of accomplishing just about any physical feat the world throws at us. They should be enjoyable (pleasure-giving), brief (without sacrificing effectiveness), sustainable (lifelong), immediately accessible (to young, old, and untrained), and infinitely scalable (from beginners to elites). A fitness program, then, should meet these benchmarks.”

I need to come to the understanding that benchmarks for me may not include Rx’d wods. To reflect on one’s abilities and reach a level of acceptance knowing what you are capable of doing physically is wisdom learned. I want to perform those activities in Crossfit that I am capable of doing be it at a modified or scaled level, that do not put a strain on my body or stress me out mentally.
I need to be able to enjoy my life injury free without sacrificing my time, health or my lifelong pursuit of fitness. Is that so much to ask?


2. “A program you can’t keep doing is hardly a program worth doing. Fitness should be a lifelong endeavor. It’s not just for the young bucks with limber limbs and supple, indestructible ligaments. It’s for the oldsters, the washed up athletes, the wide-eyed beginners, the moms, the dads.”

I want to be active until I am in well into my golden years. Pretty lofty goal but not out of the question. My father, 75 years young, plays basketball – masters level, plays on an over 70 team in the senior Olympics. He plays 16” softball. He skied with his children and grandchildren last year in Utah. How can I not want to be that way at his age? A good gene pool, maybe. But more importantly, he knew the power and independence of being active all his life. I want Crossfit to be something I can do for the rest of my life. It needs to be something I enjoy doing with my partner or on my own. I want to enjoy the physical, mental and emotional benefits of Crossfit well into my old age, and by that I mean if I live to be 90 something like my 96 year old grandmother, then I want to be doing this physical activity even then.

3. “Next to inadequate or nonexistent training, overtraining is the biggest issue plaguing most trainees. If you don’t give your body enough downtime to recuperate, you’ll find it very difficult to get stronger/faster/quicker/more powerful. You may see some improvement over doing nothing at all, but you could just as easily undo any progress.”

Do I over train? Is that part of my problem? Maybe so. I often come to the box tired, eyes twitching, knowing my quality/quantity of sleep the night before was not adequate. I remember thinking I need more time for my body to heal. At this age I know how my body reacts to intense physical training. It breaks down harder than when I was younger. I don’t feel the pain the next day. No, it takes me a full 24 to 36 hours before I feel the soreness most feel the next day. I have to listen to that and know that I need more rest time. It is okay to not be like everyone else. It is okay to take time off. I used to think that I was weak and not pushing myself hard enough if I took that time off. I don’t want to feel guilty anymore. I want to make the smart choices going forward. I want to know that my decisions are the right ones for me. No more trying to do what the masses do. I don’t have to be that way anymore. I have learned what I need. My way can work for me. It doesn’t matter if it isn’t the “norm” for everyone else.


4. “If my fitness efforts result in an injury that prevents me from playing, those fitness efforts are counterproductive. I love Crossfit, but people do get injured. Either their form isn’t locked in, or they’re going too hard for too long and injuries do occur. Crossfitters will plainly admit that there is an inherent danger to going all out, day in and day out, and that’s actually part of the appeal.”

I think at my age, I’m not interested in pushing my limits anymore. But saying it and doing it are two different things. To mentally turn that switch off is a challenge since we as crossfitters tend to have that type “A” personality. To not go all out (even when injured and scaling) is incredibly hard for me. To come to the understanding that I need to slow down takes a tremendous amount of mental control.

5. “I’m sick of watching people hobble around with canes or old injuries. I want to see seniors bounding up stairs. I want to see people get six packs without actively trying to. More than anything, I want people to get stronger, fitter, and healthier.”

I want to be able to move my body in the way my body was designed to perform. To be able to follow a program for life, under any circumstances. To be able to work around an injury. To be able to scale things down for myself, the middle aged athlete. I want to be able bodied into my later years and to remain independent because I am physically fit and healthy.

Paleo almond coconut pancakes

Ingredients:

2 eggs

1/2 cup almond meal

1 can unsweetened coconut milk

1 cup shredded coconut

1/2 tsp. sea salt (optional)

1/2 tsp. baking powder (optional)

1/2 tsp. cinnamon (add more to taste)

dash nutmeg (more to taste)

sprinkle with pecans & sliced almonds

bananas or fresh fruit of choice

100% organic all natural maple syrup (optional)

These were so good. Satisfied my craving without cheating. Good enough to eat without the syrup. I really love coconut!

Decisions of a lifetime

Meeting with the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow. It has been six months of physical therapy and now I need to make a decision about my future. Do I continue to rehab and hope to get back to 100% with therapy alone? Do I risk having the impingement return or the partial tear get worse? My fear is that I will need the surgery eventually if the pain returns. I do not want to spend another chunk of time babying this thing if that is the case. I am at a crossroads. The older I get the harder the recovery and the longer it takes to bounce back. I am not ready to stop doing certain activities at this point in my life. Do I have to make a choice right now? If I have the surgery will my ROM and power be reduced as a result? If I don't what does the future hold - chronic pain and limited capacity for working out? I do not want to compromise. I don't think I should have to.
I know how the beginning of the second half of your life starts. Those aches and pains that the "older" folks often complained about when I was young is beginning to creep up on me. You never feel like you are aging until something out of the blue hits you that is totally unexpected. You always felt like you were invincible. You never thought you would get to a point when a little time off couldn't alleviate the hurt. This isn't just something that you can try to eliminate out of your routine to avoid a repeat. It is physiological in nature. Half a lifetime of old habits, bad posture, sitting at a desk job, hunched in front of a computer, a weak core, prior injuries - who knows.
You can't go back - so look ahead. A decision must be made with all its risks and consequences. What's it gonna be...
Time for that mental preparation that only someone who has lived half a lifetime can understand.

Paleo Coconut Balls and Pizza

Paleo pizza tonight for dinner. It was pretty good but certainly didn't taste enough like real pizza IMHO. Tim liked it more than I did. Maybe have to tweek the crust somehow. Was filling at least. Made for an easy meal anyway and I don't feel guilty for eating something I would regret later. Real pizza is still on my list as one of the best cheat meals that I miss. Even if my digestive tract suffers horribly afterward.

DESSERT:

How many paleo coconut balls can I eat before I feel like I have overindulged? Before I feel sick? Evidently quite a few...there are only a few left although I don't feel full yet. These are becoming dangerously addictive. Again, one of those things that if they are in the house and I know they are there I will eat them. Hence, if I don't make them I can't eat them. Once this batch is gone I will do my best to try to only make them for special occassions or for a once in a while treat. They are strict paleo in substance but I wonder just how much is too much when it comes to coconut oil and unsweetened cocoa. (Those are the two ingredients that taste so good that I know can't possibly be good for me right?)

Valentine's Day

Tried to eat paleo all weekend. Made Erin's awesome recipe for Paleo Quiche. Made two of them since I knew I would like it and wanted leftovers for the next day. Paired that with a glass of wine (little cheat) and had milk chocolate covered strawberries for dessert (another cheat). I know Tim liked the quiche - he had two helpings. He does not eat much chocolate so he only had one strawberry but he did have one of the heart sugar cookies I got him from Cookies By Design. I am pretty sure he was happy that I made dinner too. He helped by cooking the chicken on the grill. I will make this again for sure.

So all in all not a great paleo day for me considering earlier in the day I was visiting my grandmother who had a box of Fannie Mae at her place that she wanted to share with me. When your 96 year old grandmother tells you to have some you better do as she says. Ok, I justified it by telling myself it is a once a year holiday so indulge! Besides, if you're gonna "cheat eat" make it worthwhile and something you love. At least I ate good chocolate. I slept pretty well last night too even with the sugar spike...

Back on track today.